An Answer That Makes Sense

The stronghold of doubt kept John from resting in My grace. A part of John was focused on Me. The other part looked within himself for assurance. An example of this was in the battle over the use of John's poetic gift. John would look at this gift as an affirmation of salvation, but there was no full peace in his heart. He questioned his gift and his assurance. Nothing seemed to solve the dilemma. John knew he needed full assurance, but because it wasn't there he questioned his faith. Lack of assurance and feeling the need to have 100 percent assurance was a stumbling block to John. My scripture spoke about this dilemma, "A double minded man is unstable in all his ways." Even though John was a believer, he was still trying to measure up. The Bible tells of not having assurance because of this double-mindedness. I allowed John to face some very heavy trials that led to more complete answer. These trials were designed to show John that he could never measure up.

John was reading the “Sermon on the Mount” in Matthew. The sermon was intended to challenge everyone to measure up. Although, it was really about coming to the conclusion that a person could not measure up. I am not worthy and I can't fulfill all the law.

John was led by several events that brought him to realize this conclusion. There had been a couple of people that were found on the street looking for handouts. John feared that they had been sent to test his worthiness. Every time John ran into these kind people, John gave grudgingly. A verse relating o this says, "Whatsoever you do to the least of these, you have done unto Me." There are other verses saying by meeting the needs of others you are ministering to Me. John realized he fell short. He grudgingly felt the need to follow this commandment. John’s fear of these situations caused him to as if he was under attack, to the point of passing out.

I had to teach John that it was not about his worthiness, but My Worthiness. John had to face a poor person situation one more time, before he discovered an answer that made sense. John liked walking on a local trail. He was on a walk when he noticed an older man with ragged clothes. John wondered if this was another time to meet My needs. As John had walked a third of the trail, when he noticed the man standing at the halfway point. John thought about this, as he walked past him.

John thought if he is still there when I finish my walk, I'll give him some money. When John came back around the man was not there. John thought, “Oh no, I’ve lost a chance to meet his needs.” “Have I let Christ down?” Fear overcame John as he sat bewildered in his car. John thought he was not worthy. “I don't measure up. What do I do when I don't meet needs like this?” An overwhelming thought came to John, "I am not worthy, but Jesus is worthy. I don't have to be perfect." From this John received a peace and new heart of worship toward me.

Here's a song John created from this experience.

I Am Unworthy

I am unworthy,
I am unworthy,
Yet I have found His grace.

I am unworthy,
I am unworthy,
For the Lamb has taken my place.

He is worthy,
He is worthy.

The praises come,
As I am undone,
Kneeling before My King.

I am unworthy,
I am unworthy,
Lo, my voice shall sing.

He is worthy,
He is worthy,
All of Heaven shall ring.